Son-In-Laws

October 25th, 2007

An old woman had 3 daughters. One day she decided to test her Sons-in-law.

One day she was walking along a lakeshore with the first son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.

The first son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out onto the shore.

The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings “Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!”

Another day she was walking along a lakeshore with the second son-in-law. Purposefully, she fell down in the lake and started yelling for help.

The second son-in-law jumped into the water and dragged her out onto the shore.

The next day he found a brand new E Class Mercedes in his door steps with the wordings “Thank you!!!-Your Mother-in-law who loves you very much!!!”

The third time she was walking with the third son-in-law and she repeated the same. But that guy didn’t respond to her cries for help and didn’t move a single step to save her.

The poor old lady who wanted to test her sons-in-law drowned and died.

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The next day he found a brand new Rolls-Royce in his doorsteps with the following wordings …

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“Thank you very much! Your Father-in-law!!!”

English Language

October 25th, 2007

Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

TWAKKA TUKKA jokes

October 25th, 2007

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k

Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but??

how much is DRIVING salary…?

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Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at

night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light

is not needed!!!

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Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.

Sardar thinks “how poetic”

Sardar says, “pass the custard you bastard”.

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2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says

YES…NO…YES…NO…YES…NO…

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Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend ” u said v will do register marriage

and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post

office….

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Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and

says, “chal”, it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, “chal” , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, “chal….” Finally he wrote the conclusion……

…… “after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf……”

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A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ” tamil therima??”

Sardar got mad, angrily replied…. “Hindi tera baap!!!”

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2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written…BC 1760!!!….

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A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating…….

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A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay ‘FRIEND’, but in the

exam the essay which came was ‘FATHER’ . he replaced friend with father

in the essay and>it read: I AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE

FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

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Interviewar: what s ur qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY….

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Amitab : In which state Kavery flows?

Sardar : liquid state…..

Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS…….

Pleeeez Don’t Interfere!

October 25th, 2007

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

Present for husband

October 25th, 2007

Present for husband

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl !!!” The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good, thank you.” “And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” She asked.

“The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!”

“Oh, that” she said “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!”

Male Vs Female >>> The Game Of Shower….

October 25th, 2007



See how a Man And a Woman Takes shower…..

A Man’s Shower :

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting “Way Hey!!”

Look in mirror and **** in gut to see your manly physique.

Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower.

Don’t bother to look for wash cloth, don’t need one.

Wash face.

Wash armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.

Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Piss in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.

Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go “Yeah baby” and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday’s clothes.

A Women in Shower :

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it’s all come off.

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.

How Moaist Government Works

October 25th, 2007

How Moaist Government Works

Once upon a time the maoist government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a Jungle.
Prachanda said,”Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Prachanda said,”How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Prachanda said,”How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Prachanda said,”How are these people going to get paid?” So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Prachanda said,”Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Prachanda said,”We have had this command in operation for one year and we are Rs. 18,00,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost.” So they laid off the night watchman.

Then the Public People asked, “Why is the task cancelled”?
Then Prachanda said. “This is King Gyanendra’s Plot.”

The ancient city of Patan

October 24th, 2007

strong>The ancient city of Patan

Patan is situated on the elevated tract of land on the south side of the Bagmati River in Kathmandu Valley. It was developed on relatively thin layers of deposited clay and gravel in the central part of a dried ancient lake known as Nagdaha.

Patan has a population of 166,000 in an area of 4.59 km². It is the fourth largest city of the Kingdom after Kathmandu, Biratnagar and Pokhara. Lalitpur Sub metropolitan municipality is divided in to 22 wards.

Latitude 27°40′22.91″N Longitude 85°25′40.28″E

The city spreads over 16 sq. kilometres and is divided into 22 Municipal wards. A substantial portion of the population is engaged in various trades, especially in traditional handicrafts and small scale cottage industries and the rest are busy in agriculture. Lalitpur is the only city in Nepal that has produced the highest number of renowned artists and finest craftsmen ever recorded in Nepalese Art History. The most famous Newar artists and master craftsmen like Arniko, Abhay Raj and Siddhi Raj were all born in Lalitpur.

The city was initially designed in the shape of the Buddhist Dharma-Chakra (Wheel of Righteousness). The four thurs or mounds located on the perimeter of Patan are ascribed around, one at each corner of its cardinal points, which are popularly known as Ashoka Stupas. Legend has it that Emperor Ashoka (Legendary King of India) visited with his daughter Charumati to Kathmandu in 250 B.C. and erected five Ashoka Stupas, four in the surrounding and one at the middle of the Patan. The size and shape of these stupas seem to breathe their antiquity in a real sense. There are more than 1,200 Buddhist monuments of various shapes and sizes scattered in and around the city. The most important monument of the city is Patan Durbar Square, which has been listed by UNESCO as one of seven Monument Zones that make up the Kathmandu Valley World Heritage Site.

The Patan Durbar Square is taken as the only monumental area in all three cities of the Kathmandu Valley that still outstands with its most magnificent architectural splendour and unique artistic beauty. Patan has kept its cultural and its finest craftmanship alive even in the face of many social and political upheavals.

Patan Durbar Square
This whole square is a cluster of fine pagoda temples and stone statues; it is at the same time the business hub of the city. At every step one comes across a piece of art or some images of various deities, testifying to the consummate skill of Patan’s anonymous artists. The ancient palace of the Malla kings and the stone waterbaths associated with various legends and episodes of history are especially interesting to visitors. The stone temple of Lord Krishna and the Royal Bath (Tushahity) with its intricate stone and bronze carvings are two other masterpieces in the same vicinity.

Hiranya Varna Mahavibar
Hiranya Varna Mahavibar-This three-storeyed golden pagoda of Lokeshwar (Lord Buddha) was built in the twelfth century A.D. by King Bhaskar Varma. Located in the courtyard of Kwabahal, this temple belongs to a class of its own. A golden image of Lord Buddha and a big prayer wheel can be seen on the pedestal of the upper part of the Vihar while intricate decorative patterns, worked out on its outer walls, add charm to the mellow richness of the shrine.

Kumbeshwor Temple
Kumbeshwor temple in Patan and Nyatapole temple in Bhaktapur are the only temples in the Valley with five roofs, with the exception of the round five tiered Pancha Mukhi Hanuman of Kathmandu’s Hanuman Dhoka Palace. This temple of Lord Shiva was built during the reign of King Jayasiddhi Malla. Later a golden finial was added to it. A religious fair is held here on the janai Poornima day in August

Jagat Narayan Tepmple
Jagat Narayan temple is a tall Shikhara-style temple consecrated to Lord Vishnu. The temple is built out of the red bricks on the bank of the Sagmati at Sankharnul and enshrines many stone images. The fine metal statue of Garuda placed on a stone monolith is quite eye-catching along with similarly placed images of Ganesh and Hanuman

Krishna Mandir
Krishna Mandir built in the seventeenth century, the temple of Lord Krishna holds a commanding position in the palace complex of Patan. It is suposed to be the first specimen Shikhara style architecture in Nepal. It is the only temple in Nepal having 21 spires and is completely made of stone

Mahaboudba
Mahaboudba temple is a masterpiece of brick and tile. Like the Krishna Mandir, it reveals an art tradition which evolved outside of Nepal; it also shows that the native craftsmanship of the Nepalese can do proper justice to any art form. This temple was built by Abhaya Raj, a priest of Patan and is sometimes referred to as the temple of a million Buddhas because every single brick depicts a small image of Buddha an astonishing total of nine thousand bricks. It was levelled to the ground in the great earthquake of 1933 but was rebuilt exactly to the original specifications, thus proving that templecraft is still one of the living arts of Napal.

Rudra Varna Mahavihar
This unique Buddhist monastery complex contains an amazing collection of five images and statues in mental , stone and wood. Many Kings in ancient times were crowned in this monastery. Many of the treasures offered by the devotees can be seen here even today.

Achheswor Mahavihar
It was established towards the beginning of the 6th century to house an idol of Lord Buddha. The Mahavihar was reconstructed not too long ago. It has altogether 30 rooms in this complex including, “Dhyankuti” research room, Training room, library and review room guest room and so on. Situated behind the ashoka Stupa at Pulchowk, the Mahavihar commands a beautiful view of Kathmandu Valley.

Machchhendranath Temple
Machchhendranath temple of Machchhendranath is another centre of attraction in Patan. The temple lies in the middle of a wide spacious quadrangle just at the outer rim of the market place. A fine clay image of Avalokiteshwar or red Machchhendranath is housed here for six months every year after which it is taken round the city of Patan in a colourful chariot festival beginning in April-May and lasting sometimes for several months, (see festival section).

Tibetan Camp
The Tibetan Camp is an attraction of a different kind is the Tibetan Camp on the outskirts of Patan. The small Tibetan population living here has set up a number of shrines and stupas as well as several souvenir shops offering authentic Tibetan handicrafts such as prayer wheels of wood, ivory, silver or bronze, long temple horns made of beaten copper, belt buckles, miniature thunderbolts and jewellery. In this area, one can also see the Tibetans weaving carpets by hand.

The Ashokan Stupas
There are four ancient stupas popularly believed to have been built in 250 B.C. by Emperor Ashoka at the four corners of Patan. The four stupas are situated in Pulchowk, Lagankhel, Ebahi and in Teta respectively. These stupas give evidence to the city’s ancient religious importance.

Machhendranath and Minnath
The pagoda of Red Machhendranath built in 1408 A.D. is situated in Tabahal. For six months the deity is taken to its other shrine in Bungmati. The temple of Minnath is situated in Tangal on the way to Tabahal.

Godavari
Situated at the foothill of Pulchowki this place has a splendid natural beauty. The road from Patan city runs to Godavari passing through the small, old towns of Harisiddhi, Thaiba and Badegaon. Godavari is a very good picnic spot with the only Royal Botanical Garden in Nepal. Fish Hatchery and a marble quarry also are located here. It is open daily including Saturday and government holidays. Buses of Godavari are available at Lagankhel.

Phulchowki
located around 10 km of Southeast of Patan, this mountain, 279m high, is good spot for hiking. Rhododendorns of different varieties and colours from pure white to dark red are found here. A Buddhist Shrine is situated on the top of the hill which can be reached through a jeepable road.

The zoo
The zoo is situated at Jawalakhel in Patan. There are many animals, birds and reptiles, mostly representing the Himalayan fauna. There is a beautiful pond inside it built by King Siddhi Narsingh Malla in 17th century. It is open daily from 10:00 am to 5 pm.

Patan industrial estate
Patan industrial estate is located at Langankhel in Lalitpur District near Satdobato. This industrial state is well known for Nepali handicrafts such as wood carving, metal crafts, carpets, thanka painting. It is very interesting to see how these goods are made in the different workshops. For the convenience of the tourists, there is shopping arcade with in the premises of the industrial Estate where various handicraft products of the Estate are exhibited and sold.

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Upper Mustang-A Medieval Walled City

October 24th, 2007

Welcome to the only living walled city of Nepal. Built in 1380AD by the first king of Lo, Ame Pal, the walled city still stands as a testimony to Lo-Manthangs prosperity and rich cultural heritage. The wall, which is 2472 feet long and 26 feet high, has series of 14 towers along its periphery. These towers rise 40 feet high and are 6 feet wide at its base and 3 feet wide at the top. During the region of the Mustangi Rajas, the towers were guarded by armed guards to defend the town from bandits and enemies.
The only entrance to the town is through a huge wooden gate located at the east of the township. In early days, this gate used to be closed before dusk and opened at dawn. Until recently, the town inhabitants followed this rule dutifully, but the rule is no more in practice. Nonetheless, as in the past, except for the Raja(king), Rani (queen) and the Khempo (chief priest) everyone dismount their horses while passing through the town gate. This custom is observed to pay respect to Avalokiteshwara (God of compassion), Mahne (prayer wheel) and Jhong Lha(Deity of the fort) that are located in front of and the Khempo considered as equals to the deities are not required to dismount their horses while entering the gate.

The city is divided into four traditional wards (Si-Shu) namely “Ghun-thang”, “Domaling”, “Potaling” and “Jhythang”. These names refer to as the shrines of deities from the respective wards. “Ghun-thang” is the shrine of “Mahakala or “Gompo”, “Domaling” the shrine of “Tara” or “Doma”, “Potaling” the shrine of “Dipangar Buddha” or “Hyepo Mahe” and “jhythang” the shrine of “Jhampa or Maitria”, the future Buddha. These wards take turn to perform various religious and social tasks of the town.

People of Lo-Manthang

About 1100 Lobas People of Lo lived in the 180 mud houses of the walled city and surprisingly they observe a form of caste hierarchy. This may be the reason why it is mainly the Kudak (Bista-the nobility and royalty of Lo) and the Phalwa (Gurung) who live within the walled city. Ghara (black smith), Shemba (butcher) and Emeta (musician) mostly live in the settlement beside the Lo-Manthang river that flows to the east of the city. The Raja and Rani or Mustang live in “Monkhar”- the four storied white-washed palace located in the middle of the town. The palace was believed to be built by the first King of Mustang, Ame Pal, in the early 14th century. The present Raja is his twenty-second descendent.
Livestock husbandry combined with agriculture is still the mainstay of the local economy. Seasonal migration for trade to the southern parts of Nepal and North India and bate trade with neighboring Tibet supplements household income. With the advent of tourism in Lo in 1992, few local people have also started taking up tourism as a new economic profession.

To prevent fragmentation of family property, some Lobas still practice Polyandry. A woman is married to all the brothers of a family.

Culture and Religion

Lo-Manthang’s culture is deep rooted in the religious sentiments of its people. The township abound with many chhortens, mahne-walls and monastries. Prayer flags flutter above all the houses-conveying mantras to all corners of the world. The Lobas are exclusively Buddhists and confirm to Sakya-pa sect of Tibetan Buddhism. Bon prevailed before Buddhism, which was later replaced by Ningma Pa Sect (Dhakar-Kayu subsect) and subsequently by Sakya Pa Sect (Sakyapa Ngorpa subsects) of Buddhism.
Of the three Gompas in Lo-Manthang , the Jhampa Gompa is the oldest. It was built in 1387 AD during the reign of the famous King Anguin sangbo and is believed to be a replica of Ghangtse Jhampa Gompa of Tibet, which still exists in Ghangtse, near Khasa.

The three storied Jhampa Gompa, is an exemplary piece of art. It amply exhibits Lo-Manthangs great architectural depth of the past. The uniqueness of this gompa lies in gold painted tantric mandalas entirely covering the interiors of the wall of the first and second floors. The main prayer hall is painted with double register of mandalas interspersed with smaller mandalas. The sheer size of the gompa itself is an attraction. One will be surprised to know that the walls of the gompa are 5ft 4inches thick, 55 ft high,150ft long and 80ft wide.
Thupchen is the second oldest gompa of the town. It was built in the early 15th century by Tashi Gon, the third Raja of Mustang. Despite being smaller than Jhamba, Thupchen is an equally rich archetype of Tibetan art. The main hall ‘Dukhang’ has beautiful ceiling and wall paintings painted of natural color and gold and silver paints. The wall painting bears various images of Buddha and other deities in different mudras. The wooden beams in Dukhang carry Buddhist mantra engraved in it and the ceiling has beautifully placed rafters. It its heyday, Thupchen was the major center of religious activity in Lo-Manthang.

Tenchi is the most popular festival of Lo Tsho Dyun, and is celebrated over three days to mark the killing of a demon by Dorje Sonnu, the demon’s son. Tenchi is a derivative of the Tibetan word “Tempa Chirim”, meaning a prayer for world peace. The festival is celebrated on the fifth month of the Tibetan calender, which unusually come to place in May. Two huge Thankas are displayed during the occasion. Numerous other festivals are celebrated throughout the year. Some important ones are Mahne Dance (which marks the killings of the demon through a dance drama), Sakaluka (seed sowing ceremony for good harvest), Duk Chu (Monk’s dance and prayer for a prosperous New Year),Chug Emma (household prayers fro prosperous new year), Phakne (group of same age visit different holy places), Loh Sar (New Year) and so forth.
A Monastic School - Tse Chhen Shedrubling Tukling Mon Gon Lobdra - is attached to the Chhoede Gompa. This is the only Sakya-pa monastic school of Upper Mustang where young monks (Dhawa) are taught on the teaching of Buddha. The people of Lo have for long relied on traditional herbal medicines to cure ailments and the faith still holds true. With some donor support, an Amchi School now runs in Lo under the local Amchi family (Tibetan herbal Doctor).

A Beautiful Sketch

October 4th, 2007